I sat in bed eyes wide open. The fairy dust of sleep not penetrating my mind enough. At least not enough to turn itself off.
The idea that there is someone I can’t possibly have. He’s so fun. He gets me. He writes back.
The relationship isn’t, but sometimes I wonder.
The humor is constant but is it simply that?
He loves my music. Nothing more, nothing less, but he constantly asks.
He notices things, though he notices things for everyone, though it seems. No, but yet it seems he notices more things about me.
I messed up once. His response totally expected, but, and this is what keeps me up. His response wasn’t negative, but he said, that the idea didn’t make sense. The funny part, I asked because I’d love our company to take us both on a trip, he would be the fun one to travel with. But, he didn’t dispute that he wouldn’t enjoy said trip with me, just that it doesn’t make sense for him to go. Is he worried about the company I provide? Does it matter that I’m the one who suggested it? Or is it simply a case of a company man doing his thing for the man.
I don’t know.
When he’s around I do everything I can to hang with him. He’s so much fun, but it seems sometimes he’s not sure if he’s allowing to much access? It’s those fun times where I feel him pull back, or suddenly worry what isn’t getting done and he ferries himself back off to his desk.
Is there something there?
Do I want there to be?
The constant thoughts and occasional teeny slips could mean yes. It could mean. Yes.
I may be falling for the man I can’t have.
I may be in love, or just lust? I may be in desire and wanting a man I cannot have. I may be.
If only. If only he wasn’t under the spell of someone else.
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