Waking up in the morning can be a bitter pill. Some days I wake up and look forward to the happiness of the day, but today everything sucks.
I hate that my hair seems to default to frizzy and broken.
I hate that my stomach has more fat this year than last year.
I hate that my ears are too big.
I hate that my face seems to break out when I’m stressed, or sad, or too hot.
I hate that I live alone.
I hate that my friends keep finding their ‘soulmate’.
I hate that all the clothes in my closet are horrible and I have nothing to wear!!!
I hate that I don’t have a boyfriend.
I hate that a number of months ago I thought I had a boyfriend but he wasn’t interested in the long term. Or was he just not interested? Or was I not interesting? Was I not pretty enough? Was I not funny enough? Do my knees look funny? Was I too prudish? WHAT WAS IT?
I hate that though I wasn’t in love, (yet?)
That there were real possibilities. Or was it that there never was a possibility, and looking back why was I thinking there was?
I hate that I believe in marriage, but none of the boys ( yes boys ) have any reason to marry because all of us ‘normal’ girls are so desperate to find someone ( anyone ) that we end up doing and giving up our values and beliefs just to have someone near us.
I hate that this morning I have to get up, preen myself ( boys call them the 3 s’s ) do my hair, paint my nails, wear something presentable just so I get noticed.
BUT WAIT! WAIT YOU SAY! You don’t have to do that!!!!
I KNOW! I answer back. I so so know. Buuuuuuuut if I don’t, if I fall out of bed, leave my jammies on and plod around the house in my slippers, if I leave that broken nail broken, don’t hide my ugly toenails, wear the ugly closed foot sandals, or worse, wear the cute open toed strappy sandals, with the sloppy shorts and old t shirt, I find that the boys I attract are worse than the ones I was dating in the first place.
WHAT DO I DO????
I’m not horrible looking, but I’m not perfect. I look at all the insta posts about blah blah get a new body blah blah. You’ll be happier blah blah blah!!! I even post on instagram ( shameless plug instagram.com/morganwerhen ) mostly with beautiful pictures, largely with happy women and/or brides. I find that men pictures are mostly too hulky or ‘look at me I’m Goliath and I can eat 5 steaks a day!’, or they’re so into themselves that I can’t possibly relate or want to relate. I DON’T NEED A GOLIATH, I JUST NEED SOMEONE.
I used to be pretty confident in myself, I was dating frequently, but as I turn the corner into my 30s I’m finding that I just want a man who loves me for who I am. Who will hold me when I’m sad, laugh with me, and largely someone I can get along with. Is that so much to ask?
WHERE ARE YOU MAN????
Currently I don’t believe that man exists. If he does or if I think I meet him, he definitely wants inside my panties, and he isn’t interested in commitment. Or he is interested in commitment but first lets get into my panties and then we can talk about the holding. I’m not sure if it’s me or society or it’s just that I’m not worth the time?
Last night I cried about it. This morning I’m plodding around my apartment in an old t-shirt.
Tonight I’ll preen and hang out with girlfriends and hopefully I’ll feel better.
Image Credit: Pinterest